December 20, 2005
How can you tell your wife that you are popping out to play a match, and then not come home for five days?
Rafael Benitez, Liverpool's football manager - bewildered by cricket
Amen, brother!
One of these days I will get cricket. Until then, I remain bewildered and have occasion to wonder why they take breaks for tea.
More fun quotes here.
{Hat tip: Tim Worstall via Robbo}
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December 19, 2005
Millionaire's Shortbread
Makes about three dozen squares or six dozen triangles
1 1/2 cups butter (three sticks), softened and divided
2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 white rice flour*
1/2 cup granulated sugar
Cooking spray for baking
1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
1/4 cup light corn syrup
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate morsels
In a large bowl mix 1 cup butter, flours, and granulated sugar with a fork until crumbly (like you would a pie crust). Press mixture int a 15-x-10 inch jelly roll pan coated with cooking spray for baking.
Bake at 350 for 18-20 minutes or until light golden brown.
Stir together remaining 1/2cup butter, condensed milk and corn syrup in a 2-quart saucepan over low heat 4 minutes or until butter is melted and mixture is blended. Add brown sugar and cook, stirring constantly, 25 to 30 minutes or until caramel colored and thickened. Pour evenly over baked cookie in pan and spread into an even layer. Chill 30 minutes or until caramel layer is set.
Microwave morsels in a small glass bowl at high 1 minute or until almost melted. Stir until smooth. Spread over caramel layer in pan. (The chocolate layer will be very thin.) Chill 15 minutes or until chocolate is firm. Cut into 2 inch squares; if desired, cut each square into 2 triangles.
*3/4 cup all-purpose flour may be substituted.
I would highly recommend cutting the squares into triangles---the squares would be too much.
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I'm printing as we 'speak'.
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December 16, 2005
As in three degrees Fahrenheit.
Since our landscape is quite white right now, it's cold and there's a full moon, well, I'm reminded of Dr. Zhivago, when Omar Sharif's Yuri has brought Lara Antipova and Katya to Varikyno, to hide from the Reds.
That snowbound palace is something quite wonderful to behold. Derelict, unloved, everything is covered with snow and ice and looks like it's been frosted by the most creative and utterly mad of cake decorators. You can almost feel the nervousness they experience when they break through the boarded up main door to try and find a place to hide and finally lay eyes on the place, wondering if it will be suitable. Everything is covered in ice. It looks grand, like the ice was sprayed as the main decoration for a party, and you can almost feel their wonder and awe at how things look. Except they know they cannot stay in those rooms; they're uninhabitable. They find the two rooms unaffected by the ice palace, where they can stay warm. This is where Yuri writes his Lara poems and where they live waiting to be discovered.
I digress, as usual, but getting back to the point...it's nights like this, when the bare trees cast the most spartan shadows in the moonlight, onto the white snow that I think of Dr. Zhivago, and the scene where Yuri hears the wolves on the front lawn. He makes his way to the verandah and instead of clapping or shouting or whatever you expect him to do with the wolves gathered on his front lawn, he hisses loudly while flapping his arms once, sharply. The wolves whimper and run away. Yuri goes back into the house and settles down to write some poetry.
When I look out onto the front lawn, I see the moonlight, the dark sky, the stars, the shadows the tree branches make across the ethereally glowing snow...and I wonder when the wolves will show up. They're all that's missing from the scene.
Well, them and a massive Siberian retreat with onion domes and icy furniture, but, really, who's counting?
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- Memo to Mother Nature: you can quit with the snow, already. We've got enough, ok? I'd like to see the sun again.
- Speaking of sun, I cannot wait for December 21st to arrive. Why, you ask, can I not wait for the beginning of winter, when it goes against everything you know about me and my attitude toward that beastly season? Well, it's quite simple: winter may, technically speaking, begin on December 21st, but that day is also nature's starting point for the days to start getting longer. Meaning more daylight is in the offing after December 21st, not less. Currently the sun goes down around 4:25 p.m. CST. That's just way too damn early. I need more sunlight in my life, and that will turn around after the Winter Solstice occurs.
- We inadvertently hurt our new landlord's feelings by shoveling.
For the six winters we've lived here, we've been in charge of snow removal. The Great White Hunter ex-landlord had a clause in the lease that shifted the responsibility of snow removal from him and Tweedledumb to his tenants. This wasn't a problem. We brought a snowblower with us when we moved here. As such, we've always pretty much taken care of snow removal---it's habit by now.
But we've got a new landlord this winter. We had our first significant snow the day after Thanksgiving, when the landlord was out of town. The snow needed to be shoveled so we took care of it. No big deal. The habit started right back up again. Then it snowed again, and again, the husband took care of it. No big deal. Then it started up again on Tuesday night. By the same time Wednesday evening, we'd received six inches and had snowblowed twice (our snowblower is pretty small and it doesn't handle large amounts well). During the first round of snowblowing, first thing Wedsnesday morning, the landlord came out and told the husband that he was sorry he wasn't able to get to the shoveling right off the bat, but that he would get to it. The husband explained that it wasn't a comment on the landlord's abilities, per se, but rather habit, that he was more than happy to help out.
I don't think the landlord bought it, however.
We've had this light, sparse snow falling since Thursday morning. Slowly but surely it's been adding up. The husband snowblowed again yesterday afternoon, but, again, it's been adding up and there was more to take care of this morning---and this time the landlord was all over it.
I don't want to fight his assumptions about his state of landlord worthiness over this. He's the best landlord we've ever had. Which, if you're a longtime reader of the Cake Eater Chronicles, you will know isn't saying much, since our standards of good lanlordom are LOW, but still, it's nice to know when you complain, your complaint will actually be heard the first time, instead of being ignored until you can't be ignored anymore, (i.e. sewers that have backed up; ice dams on the roof which lead to water coming down the walls, etc.). Our new landlord listens to our complaints. He wants to help when we have problems. That's refreshing. He's a good landlord. Hopefully the christmas present I'm planning will combat this, snow removal habits aside.
- I am in willful denial that Christmas is next week. It ain't. It's, technically speaking, two weeks away because Christmas is on a Sunday and Sunday is the beginning of another week, so it's two weeks away. So there. And don't try to tell me any different.
- I started a new workout plan last week so that I'm ahead of my New Year's regrets.
- We got two tins full of cookies from the obnoxious Cake Eater neighbor's nice wife. It's less than last year (no Chex mix, no caramel coated puffy stuff, no toffee), and nonetheless is a nice gesture and represents a lot of effort on her part....yet...it still grates on the nerves because a. she got the flippin' idea from me and b. she's stolen half my recipes! I have decided to get down and dirty and take the low road this year---I have decided to shake things up a bit. I'm adding date nut pinwheels to my repertoire, as well as homemade caramels and this fabulous caramel and chocolate layered shortbread. We shall see who wins when it's all said and done with.
Hmmph.
And that's enough for now, my devoted Cake Eater Readers.
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Hugs and love to you and MRN,
{...}Vivid's distributors played no role in making Sunny but will reap much of the upside: sales of, say, 20,000 DVDs at $12 to $15 a pop wholesale (distributed by Hustler publisher Larry Flynt's network) and sold for $30 to $40 at retail; up to $1.5 million in revenue for pay-per-view on cable systems and on DirecTV (each of which typically pockets up to a 90% cut); and several hundred thousand dollars more from viewings in hotel rooms (which is why, on the Sunny set the other day, a second, soft-core camera simultaneously shot the same nude scenes from the waist up).At some point the new film will air on a Playboy-owned channel. Hugh Hefner's company paid Vivid $70 million in 2001 to acquire the Spice networks, hard-core pay channels that Playboy now programs with Vivid's explicit movies. Also, Vivid will resell Sunny in compilation DVDs as her library of performances builds. It also sells phone-sex ads that appear at the start of each DVD (spots that, it turns out, are impossible to skip). And it will add Sunny to the offerings on its Web site, vivid.com, with tens of thousands of subscribers paying $30 a month for access and unlimited streaming video, Hirsch says.
Vivid also hopes to begin beaming out cell phone videos in the U.S. in the next few months and to keep a much bigger share of the loot than the meager 10% it gets from the cable industry.
"The numbers on our cell phone business are just phenomenal,"Asher says--already at $10 million (in retail) a year in Europe. {...}
You always knew there was money to be made in pr0n, didn't you,you just didn't know how much?
Go read the whole thing.
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December 15, 2005
On the same wavelength as Jeff's post, but not so much that I'm going to toil and try to tie them together---I leave that to you, my devoted Cake Eater readers---Morgan Freeman has said some interesting things in a 60 Minutes interview that will air Sunday:
Morgan Freeman says the concept of a month dedicated to black history is "ridiculous." "You're going to relegate my history to a month?" {...}"I don't want a black history month. Black history is American history."{...}Freeman notes there is no "white history month," and says the only way to get rid of racism is to "stop talking about it."
The actor says he believes the labels "black" and "white" are an obstacle to beating racism.
"I am going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man," Freeman says.{...}
I can't wait to watch and see Mike Wallace lose it. That'll be worth whatever CBS' share of the DirecTV's bill actually is---which, if you do the math and take into consideration that we have 300+ channels with DirecTV, is somewhere around $0.20 per month.
Which is totally fair market value to see Mike Wallace sputter incoherently, if you ask me. I wouldn't pay a dime more.
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 | You scored as Ravenclaw. You have been sorted into Ravenclaw- you value intelligence, and love the chance to use your cleverness (and maybe even show it off- just a little). You're keen and incisive, and you just love a challenging problem to solve.
Ravenclaw | 70% | ||
Gryffindor | 70% | ||
Hufflepuff | 65% | ||
Slytherin | 25% |
The Hogwarts Sorting Hat!
created with QuizFarm.com
{Hat Tip: Cal Tech Girl}
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December 14, 2005
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I'm completely serious, too.
There's a four credit 'F' in Russian 101 on my college transcript for a reason, kids.
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She'd seriously dig being able to have the computer power a ciggie lighter!
Kinda makes me wish I still smoked. That's coo-el.
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This, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, is my destiny.
It looks beautiful, does it not? A lovely winter scene. It could be innocuously titled "Snow on Pine Branch," or something equally inane.
But looks can be deceiving.
That precious lump of snow that looks so pretty and reminds you of the joys of winter, will, of course, fall off the branches of the pine tree the minute I'm underneath it. And I will be underneath this tree soon because I must go out and shovel.
The snow will, of course, fall off the branch in a just-so manner, directed by God himself.
Why, you ask, will God Himself direct the way of this bit of snow?
Well...
Because, two thousand plus years ago, a prophecy was delivered to someone in the Bible whose name is escaping me right now. The prophecy fortold of a time, far into the future, in a far away land, called Cake Eater Land, where a beautiful woman, swaddled in wool and boots, would be lugging a shovel across a white yard, preparing to do battle with the snow that was falling. The woman would ultimately achieve her goal of clean sidewalks, and the Earth will be saved from a horrible fate, the prophecy foretold, but not without a great price to be paid.
"What price must be paid?" you, my devoted, and terrified, Cake Eater Readers, whisper to yourselves.
I shall tell you.
For the snow to fulfill its destiny and for me to fulfill my own greatness, the snow must hit the back of my neck, which will cause me to yelp with surprise at the cold, watery lump which will be continuing its journey---and fulfilling its purpose---by sliding down the back of my shirt.
I am hesitant and scared.
I fear the icy trickles of cold water that will soon course down my spine, causing me to shiver uncontrollably and chafe against a wet T-shirt and bra.
I wonder where I will find the courage to bundle up and meet my destiny.
Have no fear, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, I will find the courage.
I think it's in a cup of cocoa, so, if you will excuse me, I shall go and fortify myself for the journey ahead.
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December 13, 2005
Hennepin County commissioners have voted to partially roll back the county's nine-month-old smoking ban.The new measure, which would exempt traditional bars from the ban, passed 4-3. Commissioner Peter McLaughlin, who had not indicated how he would vote, sided with bar owners and voted to limit the ban.
The issue, which simmered through the summer, pitted a small but vocal number of bar owners in Hennepin County against a larger cadre of anti-smoking advocates, including the well-financed Minnesota Partnership For Action Against Tobacco. Bar owners said the ban was economically crippling, particularly for bars located near Hennepin County's boundaries with counties that did not ban smoking.
But smoking ban proponents said exempting so-called traditional bars would be a step backward for the state's most populous county and would make lobbying for a statewide smoking ban more difficult.
Hennepin County was one of a handful of mostly Twin Cities local governments that adopted smoking bans in 2004 -- the county's ban actually took effect last March 31 -- and was by far the largest unit of government in Minnesota to do so. By amending the ban, Hennepin County became one of the few jurisdictions nationally to pass a smoking ban and then partially roll it back.
Tuesday's amendment would grant exemptions to bars, including in some cases those that are adjacent to -- or part of -- a food establishment.
The amendment, which will go into effect on Dec. 31, will make Hennepin's ordinance more similar to ordinances in Ramsey and Olmsted counties. Bars and private clubs with liquor sales that are more than 50 percent of their total net sales may apply for an exemption to the ordinance.
Under the newly approved amendment, all exemptions would expire July 31, 2007. {...}
I'm almost speechless that this happened. This is so contrary to what usually happens here in the People's Republic. I'm just stunned.
But there is a downside. Like Doug points out, this is only temporary, and, of course, the nannystaters will try to take the ban statewide. He's absolutely right about that. I'm also sure the Commission will also try to hassle bar and restaurant owners who file for exemption by delaying things, but still...this is progress and considering this is the home of nannystatism, I'll take what I can get for the time being.
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These ads are, obviously, targeted toward those lovable, yet annoying, narcissists, the Baby Boomers.
Yet this got me to thinking.
You have to wonder at how really unique and interesting and intelligent this particular generation is when some marketer decides they are such chumps for nostalgia that all the effort they need to expend to get one of these said chumps to switch to Fidelity is to show a lava lamp and play the Zombie's Time of the Season in the background.
I'm sure if Fidelity were able to throw in a free doobie for every 401K rollover, they would have pulled the ads already due to overwhelming demand.
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URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN MN 1153 AM CST TUE DEC 13 2005SIGNIFICANT SNOW POSSIBLE FOR EASTERN MINNESOTA AND WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN LATE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY.
A LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM OVER SOUTHERN SASKATCHEWAN WILL MOVE TO NORTHERN MINNESOTA BY LATE IN THE DAY WEDNESDAY. SNOW WILL DEVELOP IN ADVANCE OF THE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM TONIGHT ACROSS MINNESOTA AND WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN. THE SNOW MAY BE HEAVY AT TIMES OVER FAR EASTERN AREAS OF MINNESOTA LATE TONIGHT AND EARLY WEDNESDAY.AND ACROSS WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN ON WEDNESDAY.
SNOWFALL ACCUMULATIONS OF 6 INCHES OR MORE ARE POSSIBLE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY...GENERALLY TO THE EAST OF A LINE FROM MANKATO...TO THE TWIN CITIES...AND MORA.
THE HIGHEST SNOWFALL RATES SHOULD OCCUR BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 6AM WEDNESDAY IN EASTERN MINNESOTA...AND BETWEEN 3 AM AND NOON WEDNESDAY IN WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN...AND THE GREATEST ACCUMULATION SHOULD OCCUR DURING THESE TIME FRAMES. HOWEVER...THE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL MOVE SLOWLY AND IS EXPECTED TO STALL OVER NORTHERN WISCONSIN WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND THURSDAY. THEREFORE...LIGHT SNOW WILL STILL BE LIKELY ACROSS THE AREA WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND THURSDAY...BUT AMOUNTS ARE EXPECTED TO ONLY BE BETWEEN 2 AND 4 INCHES AND NOT OF THE INTENSITY THAT IS EXPECTED FOR A SHORT TIME LATE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY.
Oh, how does it sucketh to live in the Great White North, let me count the ways.
Also, one wonders when a degree in meteorology is going to come replete with a lesson in punctuation.
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"She is beautiful. Her mouth is amazing. I've never kissed anyone with a bigger mouth than Angelina. It's like two water beds - it's like this big kind of warm, mushy, beautiful thing."
{my emphasis}
For some strange reason I'm finding it exceedingly hard to stop laughing.
UPDATE: still chuckling
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{...}TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has reiterated his doubt about the Holocaust and called on Muslim nations to take a proactive stand on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, state media reported Tuesday.The president's comments, published on Iranian state television's Web site, were the second time in a week he has expressed doubt about the Nazi genocide of Jews during World War II. In October, Ahmadinejad also said Israel should be "wiped off the map."
"If the killing of Jews in Europe is true," the Web site quoted Ahmadinejad as saying during a speech at an Islamic conference in Tehran, "and the Zionists are being supported because of this excuse, why should the Palestinian nation pay the price?"{...}
{my emphasis}
When it comes, remember that this guy asked for it.
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December 12, 2005
It would be better if I was the number one reference for that phrase, but hell, I'm still pretty happy to be included in the club.
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